Making the most of it
The Deputy Headmaster, Mr Ainsley, is known as 'Winky-Wanky' because he develops a tic in one eye, especially when he gets aroused. The 'Wanky' bit? Well, never mind.
I was sitting like that because I was trying to get that tic going. I had failed his stupid history test, agaijn, and he had told me to stay behind after class. Everyone knows what that means, but to make the point he even went and took that horrid paddle out of the cupboard and laid it on his desk. Talk about subtle hints!
So I knew I was going to get a sore bottom at break-time, but I reckoned I might as well extract as much mileage as I could out of the situation. (Well, I am known as the class comedian).
I could see him glancing down below my desk as he yacked his way through the lesson. I jiggled my knees to and fro and - sure enough - the tic started! I could feel the class beginning to titter and whisper to each other.
Then came the serious bit. Everyone else was sent out at the end of the lesson. They were supposed to go to the playground, but of course they just hung around in the corridor, waiting to hear the sound of the paddling and whether I'd yell and screech.
I hate the paddle - it's almost as bad as the cane - but I've sort of got used to it over the years. Six strokes on the bare. They stung like anything, but I didn't make a sound. That must have disappointed the listeners.
Then he told me to stand with my hands against the wall and my bum stuck out. I guess he enjoyed the view because when I glanced round his eye was going like a camera shutter in burst mode, and his trousers were hanging kind of funnily. Then he rather hastily excused himself and dashed off.
I bet that had something to do with the second part of his name.